Now perhaps that doesn't sound momentous to you.
But it is.
For me to wait so long to share a "BIG IDEA" is pretty unheard of around this house. Most "BIG IDEAS" are shared at 3:19 in the morning, or as soon as the "BIG IDEA" occurs, whichever occurs first.
It's what I do.
But somehow Easter got in the way and I was going to talk about it last night but I got tricked into watching the Butler-Duke NCAA National basketball game and after I yelled like crazy I was too hoarse to talk about it at 3:19 a.m.
So I waited until 5:27 am.
Another perfect time to share a "BIG IDEA"!
So...on Saturday I was sick the whole day. Awwww....poor me.
What? Couldn't you follow that perfect segue between "BIG IDEA" and being sick on Saturday. Geez. It made perfect sense to me.
So anyway, on Saturday I was sick, but it was that dumb kind of sick where you're not able to conk out for hours at a time until you feel better.
It was that kind of sick where your skin is too tight and you don't want anyone to talk to you and you are angry at the universe because you aren't sicker so you can conk out for hours at a time.
You know that sick, I'm sure.
But since I couldn't conk out I laid on the couch the whole day in my nightgown covered up with a flannel blanket watching TV.
And watching TV.
And watching TV.
And somewhere during my sluglike marathon of watching TV all day, I came up with a brilliant "BIG IDEA"!
Have you ever seen the show "Bulging Brides"? OK, so the show is about these two people...Nadeen somebody and Tommy somebody who are the Bulging Brides Dream Team.
They burst into dressing rooms and homes as tearful brides are lamenting the fact that they can't get into their wedding dresses.
The Dream Team analyzes the brides ... ummm.... bulges ...and put her on this Equivalent-to-Navy-Seal training program along with the official, sanctioned Bulging Brides two-carrot-sticks-eight-glasses-of-water a day diet.
And in six weeks! Voila!
The bride is sleek and trim and able to easily zip her dress and there are no unsightly bulges remaining on the bride.
My simple plan is to get my husband to marry me again and to buy a wedding dress three sizes too small (which would still be mighty hefty) and then to somehow get this Dream Team to break into my home and fix me up...in six weeks without dying in the process!
I told you!
Yea, I rock.
Only my husband didn't like this plan at all.
He thinks there are more sensible solutions to loosing weight...ridiculous ideas like Weight Watchers or walking around the block once every week!
What kind of stupid "BIG IDEAS" are those anyway?
But now I'm really wondering how quickly I can get a wedding dress off E-bay because it's almost Bulging Swim-Suit season!
I'm thinking that if Nadeen somebody and Tommy somebody had a little longer...oh say, like 9 weeks they could probably get me toned and ready for a thong bikini!
And listen, you can sign up for the show, too, but the first step is to make yourself really bulging for the show.
Which can be accomplished pretty easily by raiding the leftover jellybeans and chocolate bunnies in your house!